Daily Tedium

Special Delivery

It’s not often that someone figures out a unique way to deliver a pizza, which is why we should honor the driver who delivered to a stalled Amtrak train.

By Ernie Smith

As I highlighted recently, Amtrak trains are rife with delays—which can be blamed on a combination of failing infrastructure and a lack of track ownership.

We can’t solve the problem of Amtrak very easily, but pizza is a pretty nice salve.

On Sunday, a mechanical failure knocked out a train on the way to Washington from New York City, eventually leading passengers to have to switch trains. While they were stuck waiting in the Wilmington, Delaware, area, someone stuck on the underfunded transit medium got the idea to call a local pizza place for nourishment.

And so, they did. It was a little extra work on the pizza guy’s part—he had to sneak through a backyard and walk down an embankment—but he was paid handsomely for his efforts, earning a $32 tip.

“I would do anything to help people out and they were starving,” delivery dude Jim Leary, an 18-year-vet of the pizza parlor, said of his herculean effort in comments to the Washington Post.

Amtrak, while apologizing for the delays, questioned the strategy.

“We know train delays can be frustrating, but it is extremely dangerous to approach a train on the tracks,” spokeswoman Chelsea Kopta said. “We are glad no one was hurt and hope this is not tried again in the future.”

It’s not often that we can call something “a pizza-delivery first,” considering the number of pizzas sold and delivered each day (according to one estimate, 11.5 million), but this is probably a first.

Let’s ponder that for a second. You have to keep in mind how rare it is that something pizza-delivery-related it is could legitimately be considered a first. Reindeers deliver pizzas in the snow in Japan—or at least try to. People request drawings on the boxes! Basically, anything that you can imagine someone doing with a pizza and a delivery, it's been done already.

Don’t believe me? Here’s a prime example: As Know Your Meme notes, one popular order of internet trolls is an unusual variety of pizza called “none pizza with left beef,” a cheeseless, sauceless monster that was first created a decade ago by an online humor site that decided to take advantage of the high level of sophistication in online order options.

Pizza delivery is the great unifier, especially during an awful Amtrak ride.

Ernie Smith

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Ernie Smith is the editor of Tedium, and an active internet snarker. Between his many internet side projects, he finds time to hang out with his wife Cat, who's funnier than he is.

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