Hatching a Plan

If you can’t get your hands on a Hatchimal—even a full month after Christmas—maybe you should just buy some fertilized eggs and do it the way God intended.

By Ernie Smith

Currently, it’s easier to get a nest-style bed for a Hatchimal than it is to get an actual Hatchimal.

Not that the buzzy toys may be worth it anyway, based on the class-action lawsuit filed against the toymaker Spin Master after the toy animals failed to hatch.

All of this makes me wonder whether we might be better off buying something else that hatches and hoping for the best.

Fortunately, it’s possible—and it’s a great workaround for a notable policy Amazon has against selling live animals in most cases. There are always exceptions however, especially if you’re in the market for crickets.

Generally, though, you can only purchase insects, shellfish, or earthworms through Amazon. But perhaps the most interesting loophole to be found on Amazon is the fact that you can actually purchase bird eggs that haven’t yet hatched, allowing you to eventually have the benefit of the bird without the awkwardness of trying to ship a live chicken though the mail.

A quick, cursory search shows that you can buy fertile chicken or quail eggs without too much trouble, if you’re willing to do the incubation yourself. It takes a bit of time—roughly three weeks under a set of very specific circumstances that can be artificially recreated, but the result is that you’ve bucked the system and convinced Amazon to ship you a bird.

(And in case you were wondering, it’s basically impossible to eat a fertilized egg in our current food system.)

It’s no Hatchimal. It’s better than a Hatchimal because the result is totally real. Really. Keep telling yourself that.

Ernie Smith

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Ernie Smith is the editor of Tedium, and an active internet snarker. Between his many internet side projects, he finds time to hang out with his wife Cat, who's funnier than he is.

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